Dixiecowgirl80 2015-12-08 18:06:07
I’m new to this group so it’s rather hard to know exactly what to say,
but the main reason I’m here is to draw some comfort from the
knowledge that whoever reads this has gone through the same thing.
I’m 23, and my husband and I had our 3rd anniv. in June. We were “not
careful” for 1 1/2 years, but once we reached the 3 yr mark we
desperately wanted a baby, so I began to chard temps and within the
month we were pregnant!! Everything went so well, and even the sick
part only lasted a week, from wk. 5 to 6 approx. We were so excited
b/c everyone said that at 12 wk. you’re “safe” and we had reached 10,
and had no idea anything was wrong. We were scheduled for an
ultrasound on the 8th, last Monday, and couldn’t wait to hear that
little heartbeat. On Friday night I started spotting, but didn’t
worry terribly much. On Saturday the bleeding picked up, but cramping
didn’t start until 5 in the evening. We went to the ER where they
said there’s nothing to do except wait and see what happens, but they
did find that I’m Rh negative so they gave me the shot and later I saw
on the card that they marked the “pregnancy termination” block, at the
same time as they were telling me to go home and rest because maybe we
could save the baby. Ticks me off, why couldn’t they at least be
honest?? I knew I was losing my child. We went home, were back at
the ER w/in 2 hours because the bleeding was out of control. Passed
more blood than I knew I had, and an ultrasound said that my uterus
was empty. I have never cried so much in my life. I feel so empty
and alone. I was released from the hospital on Sun. afternoon, and
went home and took a shower, where I passed a “clot” that we took to
the doctor on Monday and found out was the baby. I really do feel
blessed, even though it tore our hearts out, because we were able to
bury our baby, and it was completely intact, still inside the sac.
I’m at this stage now, a week later, where I feel like I can’t even
cry anymore, and I feel guilty because I can’t, but I’m so empty and I
want a child so bad my heart aches, but I’m so scared to try again,
and besides, I don’t just want A baby, I want MY baby. This one. And
I hurt so bad because I know I can’t. I don’t want to go on forever
here, but I just want to say to the rest of you out there, I know how
you’re feeling, and I’m so sorry that you have to know how I’m
Chele 2015-12-08 18:06:17
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. 🙁 Please know that
you are among friends on this list.
Crystal dreame 2015-12-08 18:06:25
Just wanted to let you know that my heart is with you. I’m going through
this at the same time you are.
I know exactly what you mean when you say, “I don’t just want A baby, I want
MY baby.” I’ve said the exact same thing. I’m glad to hear that you were
able to bury you baby. We buried ours (at 24 weeks) this past Monday.
Everyone says that as time goes on, it will get a little easier. I can’t
vouch for that yet, but I’m hoping it’s true.
Nicole_kofalt 2015-12-08 18:06:34
I am sorry to hear about your loss. I completely understand where you
are coming from and can honestly say I feel the same exact way. It
has been 16 days since I lost my son Harley, he was 15 1/2 weeks old.
I think about him all of the time and wish soooo bad that I can change
the way things went. I know that I can try to have other children but
I just wish I could have him. Your hospital situation sounds
familiar, it seems like no one wants to explain what’s going on, they
just keep dodging the issue until it’s inevitable. I just wanted to
say that I am sorry!